The Best thing Since Indoor Plumbing

Now that I have your complete and divided attention, I would like to introduce you to one of my friends, Judgement Day. I met this saucy siren about 6 months ago in the restroom of the Australian Yacht Club, an extremely prestigious club with a $25,000 membership price tag. It is here where the creme de la creme schmooze and cruise..literally.

With a handful of peanuts left and a couple of drinks non the wiser, it seemed I had a date with destiny. She was everything every high school girl inspired to be: extreme confidence (almost) to the point of cockiness and brashness, cunning intelligence with the ability play the "dumb blonde" combined with the power of manipulation and, of course, stunning good looks to complete the package.

Ah yes, Upside Down Girl and Judgement Day were meant to meet. Judgement knew that poor, lost Upside Down Girl with her non designer jeans, $35 hair cut and pho leather purse needed help and needed it ASAP!
Judgement lost no time in getting started. She knew that the best way to teach the ways of the world to inept girl was through the winning combination of the best and most effective teaching practices: being condescending, sarcastic, impatient, and hypocritcal.

In her defense, it really was...I mean IS for my own good. I mean, shouldn't I know that a materialistic life filled with (expensive) crap with the ambitions of climbing the social ladder is why we were put on this beautiful Earth? You know, it's just as easy to fall in love with a rich man as a poor man, so why bother meeting a poor one??  I'm learning these VERY important invaluable lessons which will lead me to the path of  a lifetime of happiness and fulfillment.

And, just for you, so that you can also find the true path, I will share these life's lessons with you as well.