Florentino

I'm sure all my (2) readers are just dying of anticipation to know what has happened with Clark Kent and Office Hottie 2....Turns out Clark Kent is definitely no Superman. Just plain boring Clark. Office Hottie 2 is  just some eye candy for when I get bored looking at the soups and salads around me.

So, unfortunately for you my dear readers there is not much to report.  No flying sparks, no fireworks erupting, no inappropriate office comments, no walking down aisles to accidentally on purpose strike up a conversation, no electrical outages....nada. 

But I guess it's all for the best because I know my prince is out there....... somewhere.....beneath the pale moonlight......

So, I've decided to dedicate this post to another one of my friends.  This lucky fellow is Florentino, after the character in one of the worst novels I've ever read: "Love in the Time of Cholera" (just click on his name). How this story was likened to Romeo and Juliet's love in portraying how love conquers all I shall never know.

Anyhow, I met Florentino at a restaurant.  He was passing by our table and we happened to have mutual friends. As soon as I saw him and learned of our mutual friends, my first reaction, was "Oh gosh, I hope he doesn't get a crush on me since we just both happen to be single.....AWKWARD!!!" and well, that is pretty much EXACTLY what happened.   

For Florentino love is and never shall be easy. Part of this has to do with his highly negative pessimistic outlook on life. You know how pessimists see the glass half empty? Well for him, there is no glass. The water is just a wet mess that no matter how much he tries to capture it, how much he yells at it to keep still, no matter how many people he asks for help, the water keeps just slightly out of reach.  This is of course no fault of Florentino's. The world actually is against him. Every time he tries to clean up the water from the right, the world takes notice and wobbles to the left. Every time he tries to capture it from the left, the world says "mwha ha ha...I shall stop spinning for thee" and then the water turns into little droplets which float tantalizing above his head. It seems that no matter what Florentino does the world does something to keep him from obtaining his water. This of course leaves poor Florentino frustrated, and he wants to make sure EVERYONE knows this by leaving countless message postings day in and day out for the world to read and comment upon.

To ensure that the world is and remains against him, he chooses the most impossible tasks to accomplish and tries to solve them in the worst possible way one can imagine. For example, one of his interesting flirting techniques was to tell me how unattractive I was and that I wasn't his type to see if I was interested in him. Of course this didn't phase me a bit and responded quickly with: "Right back at ya, I'm not attracted to you at all. You definitely aren't my type in any way shape or form." 

With his spirit crushed (again...), Florentino was suddenly filled with an unstoppable desire. His new mission in life, like Florentino, was and still is to do everything he can to win my heart over. This has been going on for over 3 years and sees little sign of slowing. To woo me, he has taken me on "romantic" getaways, wined and dined me, serenaded me with music, surprised me with gifts of chocolates and slideshows, checks up on me to make sure I'm OK (including calling my friends to ask about me), writes poems about how beautiful my eyes are (which he reads to my friends..thank goodness I've never had to hear one), invites me every week to do something with him and (tries to) ensure my jealousy by telling me about all the girls he's "dating", but then asks me permission if he can....

This list could go on and on, but I think you get the point. I'm sure one day (hopefully) he'll make someone very happy...but that someone is not me. Keep holding on Flor.

Running on Empty

This weekend I participated in one of the biggest fun runs in the southern hemisphere "City to Surf".  It's a 14K run from Hyde Park, in Sydney's center, to Bondi Beach.  I had been training for this by exercising on a weekly basis, slowly building up to the 14 kilometer mark.

I practiced my quick cat-like reflexes by dodging buses and trains during peak traffic, strength training at the bar lifting 120 oz beers and increasing my endurance by watching marathon re-runs of The Antique Roadshow. After weeks and weeks of training, I was ready!

The morning started out a bit bleak but soon the 84,000 participants were up and ready to go.  Our group's start time was 9am, but we didn't start until 9:30. By then, over 10,000 runners had already crossed the finish line!  The announcer made sure EVERYONE knew we were late as he announced us as the "stragglers".

With all the training I had done, I quickly outpaced my friends, with just one struggling to keep up with me throughout the run.  Being so small, I was easily able to run into people and knock them to the side as I plowed through small openings and gaps in the crowd to push ahead.  My fellow runnee, who had their own regime of smoking and binge eating to help prepare for the race, was unable to keep up with me, and begged me to slow down.

After helping people back up (from knocking them down) and slowing down for my friend, I decided to pull ahead at the 400 meter mark and completed the run in 85 minutes. My target was between 60-90 minutes, so this was perfect! If I could have run straight and without slowing down, I'm pretty sure I could have been at the 75 minute mark.

Work at Fortune is going well. I'm still fully immersed in training, and continue meeting great, fun people.  There is an office hottie #2 but I'm still thinking of a name for him.  

Today, when I was getting on one of the buses, the driver was really rude for some reason. Quite a few people had boarded the bus ahead of me, and when it was my turn, he lifted his hand up.  I could tell something was not quite right with this guy. I could see beads of sweat across his brow, and an expression only a mother could love.  Before my eyes, he started turning green and greatly increasing in size and bulk as he stood up and roared "GET OFF THE BUS!!!! IF YOU GET ON, I'M TURNING IT OFF. I'M NOT KIDDING."  To which I replied, "Whoa! It's ok!! All you had to do was ask. You don't need to threaten me!"  weirdo!!!

Numero Uno

With the rise of the new moon, my case worker was finally able to complete her job and I commenced my first week at Fortune.  My manager, Rooster, was late in collecting me Monday morning, so the receptionist took pity on me and guided me to where she thought I was supposed to be, the first meeting of the month for my division (which I later learned was NOT where I was supposed to be).

The room was massive and buzzed with the activity of close to 100 workers.  There was a tiny projection of numbers displayed on a wall with the closest vacant seat a good 25 feet away from the wall. As I moved through the sea of unfamiliar faces, searching for Rooster I took a seat in the back. Not only could I not see anything, but I could barely hear anything either. As I tilted my head towards the speaker I realized that I actually could hear (barely), but that I couldn't understand him! Fortune's language sounds like English and looks like English, but it seems to be a superior form of the language. I found it astounding how they communicated complex thoughts and ideas through a plethora of 3-5 letter word combinations. In time, I hope I too can learn this English 4.0

Once Rooster found me, he guided me, through a corridor of security doors, to my training room where I spent the next 5 days.  I've met some really nice people, one of which I'll introduce as Cleopatra. We are on the same team and hit it off right away. We both commute from the city so we chat to and from work on the bus. So the commute......

As a slave to public transport, I spent the first week trying out the different combinations of travel to get to work.  The first day, I totally nailed it and was right on time, whereas Rooster was 45 minutes late.  Second day, I decide not to fix what isn't broke, and ended up being 45 minutes late as traffic delayed not one, but THREE buses.  Just a quick sidetrack, as I was at waiting for the bus, the high school kiddos were waiting for their own buses to get to school, and I was really disturbed to see over 50% of them SMOKING!!!  I swear my future kids will never be out of my site! Anyhow, after discussing with veteran public transporters I believe I have found the correct combination: 2 buses and a 10 min walk to the office, and then a bus, a train, and another bus home.  Although this seems like this would be a nightmare, it only takes between an hour and 1 and 1/4 hours from home to sitting at my desk. Back to training.....

On our last day, a group of us went out to a local pub where I met Office Hottie 1, whom I'll call Clark Kent. We'll see what happens when Louis Lane starts work!